Confidence issues are shit, right?
For as long as I can think back, I have always struggled with my confidence. Whether that’s in my appearance, my abilities or skills, friendships or my memory. You name it, I’ve had issues with it.
I was never a confident child. I mean I probably was as a toddler, but the minute I started school, it all changed. Insert twelve-ish years of unsteady friendships, bullying, puberty and lack of boobs when I hit puberty, having glasses and braces, being a tomboy etc. My confidence has always dipped and spiked, never remaining a constant and I think it totally depends on my mindset and what’s going on around me.
When I was in high school my confidence plummeted when a boy I kinda liked at the time was asking me questions about one of my ‘friends’ because he liked her instead. Then when she turned him down, he blamed me and spread a nasty rumour around the school that I was gay. In hindsight, this shouldn’t have bothered me because girls are awesome, but at the time, this was a big deal to me.
So, yeah.. Boys are dicks. (nothing new there)
Fast forward almost ten years since leaving school and I still have the same issues I did back then and I’m pretty sure I always will. Of course I’m less concerned with being bullied or fancying boys, it’s mostly just a lack of confidence overall.
My confidence tends to dip when I’m having bad mental health days. Most days I can do things normally without taking a hit, but other days when I’m feeling particularly sensitive, something will happen and then that’s it, I’ve regressed back to a teen, hating everything about myself.
I find it difficult to come back from these feelings of ‘I look like shit’, ‘I’ve done that really badly’ etc and continue as normal. So I’ve come up with a few ways I overcome those internal thoughts and work on my confidence whenever it starts to act up.
analyse where the thoughts are coming from
The first thing I do is try to understand where the thoughts are originating from. If they’re coming from a logical thought process of a task I have genuinely done wrong, then yeah, I’ll fix it. But if the thoughts are coming from past experiences or opinions when I’ve also felt a bit sensitive, then I try to push past and ignore them, it’s just my brain shouting doubt at me for no reason. What’s happened, has happened, there’s no reason for it to hold any future power over you.
understand you’re being too hard on yourself and stop
Sometimes it can as simple are realising that you’re being too hard on yourself. You probably look amazing in exactly what you’re wearing, you just think it looks weird. Your make up looks awesome! No, you don’t look chunky in jeans. You’re doing everything as it’s supposed to be done at this moment in time. Give yourself a break.
finally, fake it til you make it
The biggest thing I’ve found to work on my confidence comes from literally faking it. I’ve found that faking confidence really helps boost the little confidence that I actually do have. Telling myself that I look and feel great or that I’m having a good day can make me genuinely feel as close to 100% as I can. So fake it til you make it!
I definitely think confidence is something I’m always going to have to work on and nurture. It’s something that’s going to either propel me forward or hold me back and I’d prefer nothing to hold me back that I can change myself!
Do you think confidence is something you’ve got in the bag or do you work on it?